Props to
for this story’s prompt: write about the kind of character whom people would ask to find things they lost.Sometimes girls put me upside down and ask me to find them a boyfriend! I get a rush of blood to the head! I can’t think, let alone find the man they’re looking for. But it’s understandable; the dating scene is way worse than in the 13th century. A couple getting married in the Church is a miracle these days.
I have lost count of how many times people have invoked my name because they couldn’t find their keys. I get it; I’m the patron saint of lost things, but would it kill you to get a few hooks on the wall where you can put the keys when you get home? Lost people take priority, is all I’m saying. If someone has lost their way, they get taken care of first.
Do you know how hard it is to find things carrying baby Jesus around? I can only use one arm at a time! I’m a Doctor evangelicus, for crying out loud; Pope Pius XII said so. Look up “Sermons” by yours truly. It’s a pretty good read, but I’m biased.
I’m sorry I raised my voice. I just needed to vent for a minute. I’m experiencing the beatific vision; I should have no reason to get worked up. Plus, it can always be worse; ask Bonaventure, he deals with all the people with bowel disorders. I’ll help you find your keys; it’s okay; where was the last place you remember having them?
(244 words)
Sheesh buddy if you're gonna give me 'tude i'll deal with Bonaventure 😂 this is great!